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Day 355 – Clumsy Crafter

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: Clumsy crafter!

My sewing machine is a beast. No, truly, it is. It’s an industrial needle-feed sewing machine, which means it’s approximately the size, weight, and temperment of a menstruating elephant on caffiene pills.

I love her like no other.

That said, when I bought her, the repair guy I purchased her from gave me an item of advice that started thusly:

“WHEN you sew over your finger and GET THE NEEDLE IMBEDDED THROUGH THE BONE, stay calm and turn the wheel. Don’t pull!”

and ended with:

“and then get the the hospital. They might be able to save the finger if it hasn’t been crushed”

This kind of thing might turn some people off of using an item of machinery that CAN SEW THROUGH BONE, but it only made me love her more. It also made me super wary of her finger-eating power, so I’ve only had a few close calls and no finger loss (yet).

However, I am still a clumsy clumsy dumbass, so don’t be surprised if I end up in this situation:

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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May 15 2011 | accessories and homage | 4 Comments »

Day 354 – Tapirs with Hats

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: Tapirs! With hats!

What better brainpan covering for the majestic and slightly quizzical tapir to wear than the mighty (and, let’s face it, somewhat comic and deeply cool) fez?

For this theme, there are two other competitors:
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

Next week, join us for the theme: CLUMSY CRAFTER!

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May 08 2011 | accessories and animals | 2 Comments »

Day 353 – Election!

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: Election!

It’s election day in Canada! That’s kinda the same as Hockey Night in Canada, except there is less flag waving and more standing in line. Same amount of drinking though!

This election is especially important because of who we currently have as Prime Minister.

That’s right, this man:

So remember, my friends, my readers, to vote AGAINST KITTEN EATING THIS ELECTION.

For this theme, there are two other competitors:
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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May 01 2011 | animals and myths and occupations | 3 Comments »

Day 352 – Pugs!

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: Pugs!

I know, I know. Pugs. So ugly they’re cute!

Pugs are my happy place. They snort, they snuff, they wear cute little costumes while cavorting in meadows and generally being adorable.

And yet, there is this photo. It should be pure win-sauce. I mean, it’s a pug, dressed as a unicorn. In a pumpkin patch. Sounds like win to me! And yet…. it kinda confuses me. What is this? I don’t even….

So weird pug photo, I salute you. You are the first result in google images when I search “Pug in Costume”, which means I see you on an almost daily basis. No lie.

For this theme, there are two other competitors:
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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April 24 2011 | accessories and animals and homage | 1 Comment »

An apology, also KANGAROOS

Oh look! It’s a new blog post!

Sorry I’ve been AWOL these past two weeks, I’ve just been so very very tired. I’m sure that doesn’t sound like a very good excuse, but do you know what happens when you use an industrial sewing machine while deliriously tired? SOMETHING I WANT TO AVOID, that’s what happens. Those of you with a stronger stomach than I can google “sewing machine accidents”.

On the plus side, a lovely reader sent in these photos to brighten my day:


Major thanks to Emily for sending those in. And hey, if anyone else wants to send in some pics of their robot on adventure, PLEASE DO. I’ll post them up here and we’ll all bask in the awesomeness.

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April 04 2011 | other awesome stuff | No Comments »

Day 351 – Mind Control

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: MIND CONTROL

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT BRAIN SLUGS. BRAIN SLUGS ARE GREAT. LET’S ALL WALK AROUND THE BRAIN SLUG PLANET NOT WEARING HELMETS. DID I MENTION I LOVE BRAIN SLUGS. BRAIN SLUGS ARE GREAT.

Here is a confession that will probably make all the nerds turn away in disgust: while I LOVE old futurama, it just hasn’t been the same since it came back. Much like a zombie!

And speaking of zombies, my first thought when this week’s theme was finialized was this: Zombie Ants! But let’s face it, GROSS. Also I don’t want to antagonize out new fungi overlords.

For this theme, there are three other competitors:
The Harpy!
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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March 20 2011 | accessories and animals and homage and occupations | 1 Comment »

Day 350 – FABRIC CHALLENGE

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: FABRIC CHALLENGE

I think I gasped out loud when I saw this fabric at the thrift store. I mean, sure it’s fun fur. But it’s SHERBET fun fur. STRIPED, SHERBET-COLOURED FUN FUR.

I mean, what could possibly possess someone to design this, let alone produce it?

oh, right. Drugs.

Anyway, I purchased it knowing it would be the most fabulous fabric challenge ever. Also, I’m mean.

The woman at the thrift store counter asked me what I was going to do with it, her tone of voice no different than if I’d been purchasing a bag of dead cockroaches. “I’m sending it to some friends!” I said brightly.

She replied, “Don’t like them much, do you?”

But I knew they’d be up for the challenge.

UNICORN!

For this theme, there are three other competitors:
The Harpy!
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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March 13 2011 | animals and different materials and homage and myths | 1 Comment »

Day 349 – CELERY!

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: CELERY

I admit, the first thing I thought of when this week’s theme was announced was the fifth Doctor. If that sentence made no sense to you, then you’ve been missing out on some amazing television.

But then I remembered the best snack that has ever existed.

That’s right, mother-effin ants on a mother-effen log. Behold the deliciousness:

yum!

As a side note, while you can make this with peanut butter, the true ants-on-a-log aficionado knows that it’s best with cheesy cheese spread (we use C’est Fromidable! but you may prefer another brand). Just like everything else in this world, it’s better with cheese!

For this theme, there are three other competitors:
The Harpy!
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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March 06 2011 | accessories and different materials and homage | No Comments »

Day 348 – CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH: School Bus Driver Hall of Fame

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: SCHOOL BUS DRIVER HALL OF FAMERS

Gentle readers, let me tell you a true story ripped from the pages of my own life.

I probably had a number of bus drivers in my formative years, but I only remember one. She wore a kitty cat sweatshirt, from which she had removed the arms. Her hair clung to her scalp like a felted sheep, and she brazenly smoked her cigarette out the side driver window.

Her name was Thelma.

The very first day she picked us up, she screeched the bus over to the side of the road, yelled at us to be quiet, and when we didn’t comply, roared:

“My name is bus driver Thelma AND I AIN’T NEED NO LOUISE TO DRIVE YOU OFFA CLIFF!”

I live in awe of that woman.

For this theme, there are three other competitors:
The Harpy!
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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February 27 2011 | homage and myths | 4 Comments »

Day 347 – CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH: This is dedicated to the one I love

CRAFT CORNER DEATH MATCH!!

THE THEME: THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE

Since this week is all about love and stuffs, my partner Matt and I are entering the fray with a couple-created entry:

I made a valentine:

And then Matt made a valentine:

We’re just classy like that.

For this theme, there are three other competitors:
The Harpy!
Yermits!
Sarah Apple!

To see all the entries go to Craft Corner Death Match!

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February 13 2011 | different materials | 1 Comment »

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