Robot a Day

Day 144 - Peas in a Pod Bot(s)

These bots are just like two peas in a pod. Because, well, they ARE two peas in a pod.

Carrots ought to be around here somewhere too.

January 06 2009 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Day 143 - You are in so much trouble, missy! Bot

You know, when you’re like, ten, and your mom uses your full name? This is SO the look that goes along with it. The hands on the hips mean you’re really in trouble. And then, because you’re a lippy little kid, you just have to come out with some smart-assed remark, and in the background your dad is just shaking his head, because really, he thought you were smarter than that. Even the dog can see where this is going. Yeah, this bot is just like that. You are so grounded.

Not that, you know, I’m speaking from experience or anything.

Tags: angry, the mom look, you are so grounded

January 05 2009 | moods | 3 Comments »

Day 142 - Ouchie Bot

Perhaps this bot partied a little too hard New Year’s Eve.

Tags: band-aid, ouch

January 02 2009 | accessories | 3 Comments »

Day 141 - Happy 2009 Bot!

Generally I celebrate the new year by falling asleep on the couch around 9:30. This is embarrassing, and not only because I’m under thirty, but also because I don’t have any kids or any real reason to not be out partying (besides the fact that parties are loud and rarely have large amounts of Earl Grey tea for me to drink). However, it does mean that I’m never hung over or feeling poorly on New Year’s Day, which generally ensures a good start to the year.

The two main things about New Year’s are that on New Year’s Eve, you can tell people you see every day that you’ll “see them in the New Year! WHICH IS TOMORROW, HURR HURR!”, and that it generally takes me until March to remember to write the right year on cheques, invoices, etc etc.

I never, ever, make resolutions because I always forget what they are about two seconds after I’ve made them.

It’s sometimes comforting to know that I don’t have to worry about turning into an old person, because I’m already one at heart.

ps- sorry about the posting confusion, folks. When I hit publish, I had set the date as January 1st, 2008. See above re: not knowing the year.

Tags: 2009, crap you buy that's only vaguely appropriate to wear fo, glasses, new year

January 01 2009 | accessories | 2 Comments »

FESTIVE GREETINGS TO ALL HU-MANS (and everyone else, too)

Happy whatever-the-heck-you-celebrate-even-if-it-isn’t-anything-at-all, everyone!

Tags: public service announcement

December 21 2008 | other awesome stuff | No Comments »

Day 140 - Gingerbread Bot

Hilarious AND delicious! Beep Boop Beep EEEEP!

Now, I’m going to be taking a bit of a holiday- This is the last Robot a Day for 2008! However, I’ll be back January 1st, 2009, with all sorts of new and exciting bots for y’all. Since it’s the holidays, and I’d like to give you all something, but I’m too cheap & tired to actually make stuff and mail it to everyone, here’s the gift that keeps on giving; cookies. (Also this way you have to make your own gift. I’m mean like that.)

AMAZINGLY AWESOME GINGERBREAD ROBOTS

recipe:

Originally, I used a recipe from the Joy of Cooking (Thanks Irma!), but I thought it needed some extra spices and it was too dry, so I overhauled the whole thing (sorry Irma!).

mix together:

6 cups all purpose flour
12 teaspoons powdered ginger (I like things gingery. you can use less, wimps)
8 teaspoons cinnamon (see above re: ginger)
4 to 6 teaspoons ground black pepper
1 heaping teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon allspice
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon of salt

in another bowl, mix:
3/4 cup unsalted, room-temperature butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups dark molasses
1 tablespoon water or apple juice

now, mix those bowls together, in your preferred manner. I like to add half the flour mixture to the wet ingredients, mix it all up, and then add the other half, stir until it hurts, the knead it until it’s all mixed. You want a dough that is thick, not goopy, but not at all dry. Now stick it in the fridge overnight.

In the morning, or whenever (ps- you can leave the dough in the fridge for up to 2 days), pull out that dough, and let it warm up before rolling it out. Generally, I wait until I get bored, and then pull of fist-size chunks and knead them until warm. People will tell you not to do this. I say, screw that. My cookies, my kitchen, my way. And come on, this is cookie baking, not rocket science.

Preheat that oven to 350!

Now, with a fist size piece of dough, roll it out on a lightly floured board (or on a nice, clean counter top. I use my awesome pink 1950’s table, personally). I like to roll it out to about 1/4 inch thickness, and I always dust the top of the dough with flour to keep my rolling pin from sticking.

To cut out the pieces, I just cut out the first one out free form with a knife, and then traced it to create the rest. For you, I include a template (right click, save-as, print at desired size, trace it with a knife onto the dough & cut out):

now bake those bots! Mine took 12 minutes, on the middle rack, on a regular cookie sheet. You want them to just be turning brown on the edges. When they are done, pull them out and let them cool on a rack. Once they are totally cool, you can ice them!

For icing, I just made it up. I added about 10 tablespoons of water to around 8 cups of icing sugar, but I had loads left. You want your icing to hold together, but it should be so dry at this point that it *almost* breaks apart, but you can mould it in your hands. Split your icing into three little dishes, you’ll need about half of it for bellies, a golf-ball size for hearts, and the rest for eyes. (I kept some white for moustaches, but that is entirely up to you). I did find that the icing was maybe a little bland, since it’s just icing sugar. I’d recommend adding some lemon or orange zest, or a drop or two of peppermint. Or vanilla. Just a little something to give it a boost.

You could also skip the icing/food colouring combo and just use candy hearts, fruit roll-ups, and licorice allsorts (or whatever candy you think of that works for the eyes, bellies & hearts). Just mix up a tiny bit of icing to glue the bits on. This would take much less time, but I like the look of coloured icing better.

Now, dig out those food dyes! For the bellies, I used one drop of red, and about 10-12 of yellow. You want to make sure when you are using food dye that you add a bit at a time and mix it in thoroughly. You can usually add quite a bit, but stop before the colour leaks out! For the eyes, I used one drop of green to about 6 drops of blue, and the hearts are pure red, all the way. Once you have your icing dyed, it’s time to decorate!

Start with the bellies. I put a glob about the size of a bazooka joe bubble gum piece on a bot in the middle of the belly, and then sort of patted it around into a square shape. This is where your icing consistency is important! Only do one bot at a time, or else the icing hardens into a funny shape on the robot. Mix your icing regularly in the bowl to keep it supple. Wash your hands between icing colours to keep the colours unsullied.

Once your bellies are done, do the eyes. This is the exact same method as the bellies, just smaller. I use two pieces around the size of a Canadian dime for each eye. Do all the bots, and then take a butter knife and score the eyeball mark in. You could probably get real wild here and make some of the bots cross-eyed. Give one a lazy eye! Make a cyclops! It’s totally up to you.

At this point, I decided they needed mouths, so I carefully scored a little line with a serrated knife. You could do this in frosting, if you wanted.

Hearts! Make sure your hands are clean and free of blue dye. Then, taking a very small piece of the red icing, shape it into a ball. Pinch it at the bottom, and push in the top with a butter knife to make a heart shape. Stick it on a bot and flatten it down a bit. Ta-Da! Your robot now has emotions and will fear you, ravening creator and destroyer!

I did find that I added too much dye to the red hearts, and they had a tendency, over 3-4 days, to bleed into the yellow bellies. This may have been hastened by my wrapping them in plastic wrap. I would recommend storing them in airtight containers instead.

Tags: gingerbread

December 19 2008 | Uncategorized and food | 3 Comments »

Day 139 - Tattooed Bot

I suspect any tattoo artist would have some problems tattooing metal. Perhaps these are actually just decals?

Tags: CPU, tattoo

December 18 2008 | occupations | 4 Comments »

Day 138 - Obnoxiously Merry Bot

Look people, this outfit is actually a real live outfit I saw today. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. I can only imagine the Christmas angst this person must have felt this morning, when they had to decide between the santa hat OR the reindeer antlers, and happily realized that they had a sweatshirt that made up the middle ground. I’m pretty sure that it had a light-up nose option too. I didn’t stick around to find out. They were HUMMING CHRISTMAS CAROLS, PEOPLE. It was only a matter of time before they broke into song, and tried to make me drink candy cane egg nog.

Tags: elf hats and crap, merry, obnoxious

December 17 2008 | accessories | 2 Comments »